Ew, ew, ew,eeeeeeew.

Tragic mistake in friending someone on FB.  Someone I had a fling with, who at the time was really cute and now......super creeper.  Like he's my age (young, lol) and he looks like those nasty men in Scottsdale that try to get all the ladies with their 'good' looks, but they look like porn stars.  Bad porn stars.  $20 porn stars.  Diseased porn stars.  How do you have sex with him without barfing even for $20 porn star.  For real.

Food TV vs. Real Life

I get these wild ideas to recreate the dishes I seed on Food TV/Food Network and other cooking type programs.  One of my favorite is Diners, Drive Ins and Dives...or whatever it's called, because the restaurants tell you what the ingredients are, just not the measurements.

I need to learn that they are showing how to make a restaurant size quantity, not what it recommended for a family of 3. 

Ingredients for 4 gallons of gazpacho.  Yes please.

Scarey movies...

The first thing I would think of as a TV programming manager would be.....yes, Fatal Attraction seems like a very good movie for the Thanksgiving viewing.  It's family oriented, a good thrill for all!

Thanks Dyogi...

Helping the neighbor put up Christmas lights (well Brett was, I was supervising).  Dyogi decides to take a dump right in the middle of his yard. 

Thanks a lot. Best dog EVER.

Uuum I wasn't talking to you.....

At the pet store at the mall where a dog is labeled a Jap Chin.  What the hell kind of dog is this? Anywho, I call Brett over, actually.....I am looking directly at him and say "Hey, come look at this dog!" 

The over helpful sales woman jumps from behind me and says "Oh which dog do you want to see?!?"  Like think overly caffeinated/sugared person.

Me (in semi-shock): "Uuuuuuh. I was talking to him."  She walked away in disbelief that I didn't want to actually see the a dog from behind the glass walls.

Weirdo. For real.

Yes, I spalled it rong. Your write.

Okay....so I will make grammar/spelling errors.  So sue me.  I have to write in the moment.  Plus the errors might make it more comical.

Their you have it. ;)

Delivery Men

So I got new dishwasher today! When it got delivered I met the two most personable men I've ever met.

Heavy guy: "We got a dishwasher delivery."
Me: 'Uuum yeah.'
Heavy guy: "Here's your install packet. We'll bring it in."

No smile, no introduction. Nada.

So they come back to the door with my dishwasher.  Here's the thing the guy handing me the 1 lb installation packet was probably 300lbs, just stood and watched the other guy pushing the machine in. The guy hauling the dishwasher weighed about 90 lb.  What is wrong with this picture. 

Heavy guy: "Sign here."  Hands me the packet without pointing to any specific part.
Me: 'Here?' randomly pointing to a spot
Heavy guy: "Yeah."
I sign, "Marilyn Monroe"....he never looks to see if I actually wrote anything.

So if Humpty Dumpty and Twig Boy show up and say "Washer. Stove. New car." Say yes and sign away.  They don't care or are checking names.  Dang, I should have said I also ordered a frig.  Oh well.

High Four!

So my friend Kim's mom had her pinky finger bitten off by a dog.  Now this is is awful cause she had to have surgery to repair the hand.  However,  if you knew Kim's mom you would realize that this is also kind of funny as well.

My only thought at the time (which should have been omg, is she okay, or what happened?) was what if someone wants to do a high five with her on that hand? 

"High Five!" oooooooh wait. 

It's okay. You can laugh.  I did. For real.

It's only the beginning.....

For Real. 

I often have people tell me that they check my FB page just to see what life has brought me......sometimes on a  silver platter, but usually it comes on something like UFO.  For real.

I filter what I say and don't say......not cause I don't think you'll find it hilarious or annoying, but because if I put down every single moment, it would be the latter, you'd be annoyed.  So I share the cream of the crop!

I love that I can bring some laughter to your life, or maybe even a rational thought.  Whatever you take from me........so be it.

But then I realized, maybe you need more.  So here it is.  All the tidbits that I leave off of FB.  Believe it or not, this is my life.  I am the living comedy/drama/reality/mystery/commercial sitcom.  Enjoy!

***Caution: You may be part of my 'stories',  I preface that I don't intend to offend.  Take it with a grain of salt and rub that salt in my eye later.